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The Maisano Code: Hands off, swine!

Photo Credit: Cliffview Pilot
Photo Credit: Cliffview Pilot

Oh, no! Here we go again! Run, Forrest, run! Swine flu is back like a hit ordered by Tony Soprano. News stations are all over it like a cheap suit. “NEWSFLASH: Swine flu is making a comeback, and it’s hitting harder and faster! NEWSFLASH: The AMA is making the vaccine as fast as it.” Then it gets nutty.

“NEWSFLASH: With school season upon us, are advised not to hug — or ‘high five.’ ”

Well, what do you know? Maybe we finally see a a decline in teen pregnancy!

Maryann Maisano

“NEWSFLASH: Wash your hands as much as possible.”

Forget the CDC. We’re lookin’ at OCD here.

You never hear this shit in Paris. Swine flu? Mime flu, maybe. Too bad no one could hear their cries as they died in those invisible boxes they made.

Oh, look: Dr. Sanjay Gupta is touring a hospital. Do we have enough beds, enough meds to support a pandemic? If I were ever in a hospital and this guy walked in, duck. The bedpans will be flying!

Have you noticed that when politicians talk about it , they call it H1N1? What’s that all about? Do we need to “officialize” swine flu to make it sound more serious?

Look I hate to be Debbie Downer here. But look around: Between the whacked-out weather, trees flying, planes crashing, depression, recession….and the swine flu “pandemic” to top it off — ball of confusion. That’s what the world is today.

But there’s a light at the end of the turmoil, my friends: the  Mayan calendar. It forecast the end of the world on December 25th, 2012. There’s even a website that has a countdown.

So it seems we’re living on borrowed time anyway.

Here’s what I say: Go to the furniture store and buy all the new crap you want. Get a “pay no interest until 2013″ deal.

If the Mayans are right, we made out in the end. If they’re wrong: Pray for unemployment extensions.

In the meantime: Wash your friggin’ hands!

Critics and reviewers have raved about Maryann’s music and standup. She’s opened for Joy Behar and Ray Romano, and has played The Laugh Factory, Broadway Comedy Club and Dangerfield’s. She has a CD of her own and will be featured on Danny Aiello’s upcoming album, “City of Light.” Judging from the looks of the packed houses, she’ll also be staging plenty more performances with the ITALIAN CHICKS, whose show has been called “part meatball, part cannoli.” For more on Maryann, the group, where they’re performing and how to get tickets, click here: ITALIAN CHICKS . Tell ’em CLIFFVIEWPILOT sent you.

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